Introducing the WORLDS WORST MASCARA….EVER

“What it is:
A long-wearing mascara that curls lashes instantly and over time.

What it does:
This mascara features innovative lash-curl memory that continually curls lashes throughout the day and a proprietary curling resin that dries down and holds the curl of lashes for long-lasting results. A unique brush coats and extends each individual lash for eye-popping results. Its intense carbon black hue delivers a lush, dramatic lash line from base to tip.”  Caption and Image from sephora.com.

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

I got this as a sample with purchase–this is the only redeeming factor.

Tried it for a dinner at home with neighbors.  Normal night, not too hot, pretty chill.

As I put it on I was immediately disappointed.  It did NOTHING for my lashes.  I actually re-dipped MULTIPLE times because I thought maybe the formula didn’t get on the wand….not the case, at all.

Then an hour later I walk by the mirror in the dining room and noticed that there are HUGE black smudges under my eyes.  Like the kind where you wore your best mascara out on the town, get wasted, spend the night with your head in the toilet crying and fall asleep with your make up on.  It was terrible, and only an hour after application!!!!!  WORST EVER.

image from: The Austin Betty

True Story

Scene:  Walking down State Street-Sunday AM-BEAUTIFUL DAY

People are milling about.  The sun is shining and I need coffee.

I am about to turn to cross the street when a homeless man stands up a few feet in front of me and SCREAMS–literally screams “YOU’RE JUST AN INTERNATIONAL PERVERT.”

I turned around, because obviously he couldn’t be talking about me…**While I was born out of the country I have only spent a total of 30 days out of the country since then…hardly international…and pervert??????  Well…what’s your definition?**  Turns out he is in fact referring to me.

His outburst stopped sidewalk traffic.  **It felt like one of those after school specials where everyone freezes, but the main character continues to speak as if the others can’t hear him…very Zach Morris on Saved By the Bell.**

In the seconds that followed here is some insight on what was happening in my head:

1.  REALLY???!  Is this really happening right now?

2.  Then suddenly I wondered if I was mooning everyone with my new sundress?  Did the back of my dress get caught in my panties?!!?!?!  OMG can they see my bum?!?!  A quick pat down confirms that I am decent.

3.  Seriously, he can’t be talking to me.

4.  Is this some kind of Asian racism?!

5.  What can he mean by “just an international pervert?”  Is it a declaration AND an insult rolled into one?!?!

6.  What are my options here?  I really want to laugh, but I feel like I should be insulted–its too early to be witty, and it will likely be lost on him.

7.  Is that smell coming from him?  It’s burning my nostrils…RUN!

Finally, I decided to roll with a NASPNod And Smile Politely-if I had to guess, its likely a southern thing.  Actually, if it were southern it would be NASPP, the second “P” is for Pleasantry…something like NASP followed by “Oh, that’s just lovely/darling/precious .”

As I walked away, I texted my fav’s the story.  Here’s the best part:

My bff responds:  International because you are Asian

Me: And pervert because?!!!?

My bff: Awkward….

End Scene

Later that same morning I got stuck in a dress and had to have two store girls CUT ME OUT….I clearly should’ve stayed in bed.

In other news:

Korres

“Cherry Full Color Gloss
What it is:
A high-shine color lip gloss formulated with hydrating cherry oil.

What it does:
Cherry Oil Lip Gloss is a full color, lip conditioning gloss with a non-sticky texture that softens and cares for lips and provides a high-shine finish. Cherry Oil hydrates the lips while vitamins E and C offer antioxidant benefits.

What else you need to know:
This gloss is available in a range of shades from natural to vibrant.

What it is formulated WITHOUT:
– Parabens
– Sulfates
– Synthetic Fragrances
– Petrochemicals
– Phthalates
– GMOs
– Triclosan

Sephora is the exclusive beauty retailer for this product.”  -IMAGE and INFO FROM SEPHORA.COM

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

I looooved the color.  LOOOVED it!  I was excited to try a new gloss with my new all natural philosophy.

EPIC FAIL.

I got the WORST allergic reaction to this gloss.  It’s been 7 days and I am still recovering from the hives and pussing on my lips.  It was like a character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine crawled in to my mouth.  Hives, Swelling, Pussing-the tri-fecta.

It’s not easy being a product whore…


Let’s talk about sex baby…

As a new blogger and a marketing professional I have been enthralled by the statistics that WordPress provides.  You as the readers should be ashamed 😉

It turns out all my highest read reviews have some kind of unintentional sexual connotation in the title.   Essentially, sex sells-even in a blog about beauty products….On average, the days my blog has a “sexy title” I get OVER DOUBLE the readers.  REALLY?  OVER DOUBLE…some days even TRIPLE!  PERVERTS 😉

Based on this info, YOU WIN.  Let’s talk about sex.

This weekend while walking down State St. a homeless man YELLED AT ME.  It’s bad enough that he actually yelled at me, worse yet, he called me an “EFFIN INTERNATIONAL PERVERT!”  My obvious first reaction to this was shock, then I could NOT STOP LAUGHING.  Seriously, body shaking laughter. People were staring.  I decided to text this harrowing story to my crew…  My bestie in MPLS writes back and says: “International bc your Asian.”  hmmmm…and pervert because I’m????  WHY IS THIS SO OBVIOUS TO MY BESTIE???  How’s that for a sexy story!?

Now on to sexy product talk!

For the last few weeks, I have been testing NUMEROUS tinted moisturizers. My research all pointed to Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer SPF 20 ILLUMINATING

What it is:
A moisturizer with a hint of shimmering color.

What it does:
Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer Illuminating is a lightweight, buildable sheer foundation formula that delivers a youthful, radiant finish.

What else you need to know:
Protecting skin from the damaging rays of the sun with SPF 20 protection, this skin-friendly formula contains a unique Dewy Complex that is proven to keep the skin moisturized and better equipped to combat external aggressors and irritants. Layer with other foundations for a custom blend and radiant finish. It’s dermatologist-tested.”

Image and caption provided by Sephora

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

On paper this product is the bomb.com.  It has SPF 20, sheer coverage AND Illuminator!  Everything I could hope for:)  I even tested the Oil Free Version.

For two weeks I applied this over my daily Murad Radiance C Serum.  Unfortuantely, I found this product to be WAY too THICK and GREASY.  Not nearly as light as I had hoped. As you know, I hate feeling like I am wearing a product.  I HATE IT.  This tinted moisturizer never really soaks in.  ALL DAY. It actually feels like grease on my skin.  NOT AT ALL SEXY.

I was super duper disappointed.  All the reviews on Sephora were so positive.  But my actual experience was far from it.