Scene: Walking down State Street-Sunday AM-BEAUTIFUL DAY
People are milling about. The sun is shining and I need coffee.
I am about to turn to cross the street when a homeless man stands up a few feet in front of me and SCREAMS–literally screams “YOU’RE JUST AN INTERNATIONAL PERVERT.”
I turned around, because obviously he couldn’t be talking about me…**While I was born out of the country I have only spent a total of 30 days out of the country since then…hardly international…and pervert?????? Well…what’s your definition?** Turns out he is in fact referring to me.
His outburst stopped sidewalk traffic. **It felt like one of those after school specials where everyone freezes, but the main character continues to speak as if the others can’t hear him…very Zach Morris on Saved By the Bell.**
In the seconds that followed here is some insight on what was happening in my head:
1. REALLY???! Is this really happening right now?
2. Then suddenly I wondered if I was mooning everyone with my new sundress? Did the back of my dress get caught in my panties?!!?!?! OMG can they see my bum?!?! A quick pat down confirms that I am decent.
3. Seriously, he can’t be talking to me.
4. Is this some kind of Asian racism?!
5. What can he mean by “just an international pervert?” Is it a declaration AND an insult rolled into one?!?!
6. What are my options here? I really want to laugh, but I feel like I should be insulted–its too early to be witty, and it will likely be lost on him.
7. Is that smell coming from him? It’s burning my nostrils…RUN!
Finally, I decided to roll with a NASP. Nod And Smile Politely-if I had to guess, its likely a southern thing. Actually, if it were southern it would be NASPP, the second “P” is for Pleasantry…something like NASP followed by “Oh, that’s just lovely/darling/precious .”
As I walked away, I texted my fav’s the story. Here’s the best part:
My bff responds: International because you are Asian
Me: And pervert because?!!!?
My bff: Awkward….
Later that same morning I got stuck in a dress and had to have two store girls CUT ME OUT….I clearly should’ve stayed in bed.
In other news:
“Cherry Full Color Gloss
What it is:
A high-shine color lip gloss formulated with hydrating cherry oil.
What it does:
Cherry Oil Lip Gloss is a full color, lip conditioning gloss with a non-sticky texture that softens and cares for lips and provides a high-shine finish. Cherry Oil hydrates the lips while vitamins E and C offer antioxidant benefits.
What else you need to know:
This gloss is available in a range of shades from natural to vibrant.
What it is formulated WITHOUT:
– Synthetic Fragrances
Sephora is the exclusive beauty retailer for this product.” -IMAGE and INFO FROM SEPHORA.COM
My Professional Product Whore Opinion:
I looooved the color. LOOOVED it! I was excited to try a new gloss with my new all natural philosophy.
I got the WORST allergic reaction to this gloss. It’s been 7 days and I am still recovering from the hives and pussing on my lips. It was like a character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine crawled in to my mouth. Hives, Swelling, Pussing-the tri-fecta.
It’s not easy being a product whore…