True Story

Scene:  Walking down State Street-Sunday AM-BEAUTIFUL DAY

People are milling about.  The sun is shining and I need coffee.

I am about to turn to cross the street when a homeless man stands up a few feet in front of me and SCREAMS–literally screams “YOU’RE JUST AN INTERNATIONAL PERVERT.”

I turned around, because obviously he couldn’t be talking about me…**While I was born out of the country I have only spent a total of 30 days out of the country since then…hardly international…and pervert??????  Well…what’s your definition?**  Turns out he is in fact referring to me.

His outburst stopped sidewalk traffic.  **It felt like one of those after school specials where everyone freezes, but the main character continues to speak as if the others can’t hear him…very Zach Morris on Saved By the Bell.**

In the seconds that followed here is some insight on what was happening in my head:

1.  REALLY???!  Is this really happening right now?

2.  Then suddenly I wondered if I was mooning everyone with my new sundress?  Did the back of my dress get caught in my panties?!!?!?!  OMG can they see my bum?!?!  A quick pat down confirms that I am decent.

3.  Seriously, he can’t be talking to me.

4.  Is this some kind of Asian racism?!

5.  What can he mean by “just an international pervert?”  Is it a declaration AND an insult rolled into one?!?!

6.  What are my options here?  I really want to laugh, but I feel like I should be insulted–its too early to be witty, and it will likely be lost on him.

7.  Is that smell coming from him?  It’s burning my nostrils…RUN!

Finally, I decided to roll with a NASPNod And Smile Politely-if I had to guess, its likely a southern thing.  Actually, if it were southern it would be NASPP, the second “P” is for Pleasantry…something like NASP followed by “Oh, that’s just lovely/darling/precious .”

As I walked away, I texted my fav’s the story.  Here’s the best part:

My bff responds:  International because you are Asian

Me: And pervert because?!!!?

My bff: Awkward….

End Scene

Later that same morning I got stuck in a dress and had to have two store girls CUT ME OUT….I clearly should’ve stayed in bed.

In other news:

Korres

“Cherry Full Color Gloss
What it is:
A high-shine color lip gloss formulated with hydrating cherry oil.

What it does:
Cherry Oil Lip Gloss is a full color, lip conditioning gloss with a non-sticky texture that softens and cares for lips and provides a high-shine finish. Cherry Oil hydrates the lips while vitamins E and C offer antioxidant benefits.

What else you need to know:
This gloss is available in a range of shades from natural to vibrant.

What it is formulated WITHOUT:
– Parabens
– Sulfates
– Synthetic Fragrances
– Petrochemicals
– Phthalates
– GMOs
– Triclosan

Sephora is the exclusive beauty retailer for this product.”  -IMAGE and INFO FROM SEPHORA.COM

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

I looooved the color.  LOOOVED it!  I was excited to try a new gloss with my new all natural philosophy.

EPIC FAIL.

I got the WORST allergic reaction to this gloss.  It’s been 7 days and I am still recovering from the hives and pussing on my lips.  It was like a character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine crawled in to my mouth.  Hives, Swelling, Pussing-the tri-fecta.

It’s not easy being a product whore…


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Post Facial Feelings…

First I felt like this:

Image from Favim.com

At first my face felt raw.  My aesthetician was pretty clear that I would be sensitive, so at least I knew what to expect.  I was so glad she gave me the Milk of Magnesia prescription as it was the ONLY thing that soothed my skin.  Also, I mean it when I say, I really looked like a 13 year old boy.  My skin was completely full of imperfections.  The treatment just accentuated this but strangely my skin felt really good.  The texture was amazingly smooth and tight–BUT NOT DRY.  I knew that it was going to be more sensitive because it was my first time.

Then like this:

Image from Dermasphere

The first night I was REALLY sensitive.  The new products are intense (which is a HUGE surprise to me, I assumed that “all natural” meant less potent–100% not the case).  I am following her post treatment instructions to a T.  Vag cream and all.  Each day I look forward to the Milk of Magnesia mask.  Again, I knew it was going to be sensitive because it was my first time.

Now I feel like this:

Image from Costume Player Catalogue

Today is 4 days post treatment.  No sign of zits, and my skin looks AMAZING.   Totally worth the minor discomfort from the first 2 days.  Seriously, Wonder Woman meets Kim K amazing.  Even my scaring looks so much better.  My SHH admitted this morning that he was really worried that it was going to get worse but I could tell this morning that he was a little jealous.

I definitely have a glow from within look today.  I haven’t worn make up since Friday (pre-treatment).  I also haven’t worn sunscreen-which is against almost everything I believe in.  I have been wearing wide rimmed hats (stand by for awesome hat pics next week.) The idea of putting chemicals on my face right now is really disgusting to me.  I am looking into a new chemical free sunscreen now….let me know if any of you have suggestions.

I am really really really looking forward to my next treatment.  I’m not even scared of the extractions:)

Stand by for full product reviews.  I feel like its cheating if I give them to you after 4 days.

In other news, I did try a new product that I got from my Beauty Fix box before vacation.

PHILIP B. KATIRA HAIR MASQUE

Image from philipb.com

Instant Manageability & Shine Boost

• A gentle yet surprisingly versatile rejuvenator for all hair types.
• The unique, clear-gel formula sinks right in to plump up fine, limp strands or calm and smooth coarse, hard-to-manage hair.
• The squeaky-clean version of a deep-conditioning treatment: You get all the vibrant shine and silkiness you could dream of – without a trace of added weight or residue.
• Makes the most of any hair texture, taking lush, light and manageable to a whole new level.
• Paraben & Phthalate Free Formula

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

Hated it.  I was excited about this line for a while, but terribly disappointed.

I followed the directions perfectly.  I even made sure to blowdry to seal the gel in before bed.

When I washed it out, I felt like there was a residue.  I HATE THAT FEELING.  So I washed again.  Still residue.  GROSS.

“Just one application will instantly revitalize your hair color, speed up blow-drying time, and lock in shine for a sexy, touchable, red-carpet finish.” -philipb.com

Nope, none of that.  Just gross residue that weighed my hair down.

FAIL.

 

****DISCLAIMER–my phone is stuck in Video Cam mode–hence why I didn’t post a pic of myself.******

BirchBox SCHMIRCHBOX

SHH Sent me this from the post office:)

The box was a lot smaller than I thought it would be:(

Welcome Card! I was so excited!

Weird, it feels so empty.

Hmmmm...that's it?

Chocolate? I don't even eat sugar!

Really BirchBox? REALLY?

The Hindenburg isn’t even big enough of a disaster to describe my disappointment.  Really, .2 ounces of zit cream, and .2 ounces of face wash–both entirely not enough product to form an opinion around–perfume and peel and stick eye liner—LAME?  I spent weeks reading reviews of other HAPPY BirchBox recipients.  The Beauty Blender, Hair Oils, Violent Lips, Nail Polishes and other awesome products and I got the rejected left overs?  Talk about buyers remorse.

In My Professional Product Whore Opinion?

FAIL.  I will give you another chance next month, but it better be amaze.  Like gold plated, full sized, naked sculpture of David Beckham Amaze.

In other news, I also got my BeautyFix package.  (insert Hallelujah Chorus)

WHAT WHAT?! FULL SIZED SAMPLES???

1. Purple SpaRitual Nail Lacquer-FULL SIZE-NORMAL PRICE $10.00

2.  Color Science SunForgettable Mineral Sun Protection-NORMAL PRICE $12.00

3. Frais Hand Sanitizer

4.  2 oz. Philip B Katira Hair Masque-NORMAL PRICE $20.00

5.  7 oz. Glytone Body exfoliating body wash-NORMAL PRICE $28.00

6. Jonathan IB Revitalizer Overnight Oil Treatment Spray 100% Vegan-NORMAL PRICE $29.00

7. 4.2 oz. Jonathan Create Motion Shaping Creme Ge-NORMAL PRICE $24.00

8. Kronos Shampoo, Conditioner, Overnight Repair Masque, 7 in 1 Conditioning Spray

9. 2–YES, I said 2! Adorable floral makeup bags.

All said and done, I am guessing the grand total is $140.  I paid, $40.  This box comes quarterly and I get to pick what I want.  EAT THAT BIRCHBOX!

www.Beautyfix.com-Let me know if you’d like an invite.

Karma BURNS–YET ANOTHER NEOSPORIN review

Karma is real–even in the blogsphere!  BELIEVE IT-I have pictures to prove it.

Remember the other day when I was making fun of the reviews for the INSTYLER?

“Not unlike most products, there are lovers and haters.  The thing that made the haters different in this case is that their posts often read like this:  “BURNED MY HEAD”  “Burned my hands and ears.”  “Broke when I put too much hair in it.”

Since I am a female…and have always used heated tools on my hair (like since I was 10.) I felt with my 20 years of heated tool experience and COMMON SENSE that I would be ok.  Seriously, you burned your hands, head or ears?  Really?  Have you never used a curling iron before?!  ALSO, the INSTYLER comes with a “How to DVD.”

Ahh…the irony is almost too much.  This morning while try to manage my STUPID bangs, I burned my forehead.  For those of you that are giggling, I am tempted to be mad, but at the same time I appreciate your appreciation for irony.

For those of you that haven’t had a burn in a while, let me remind you.  At first there’s the shock of the initial contact, then it actually doesn’t hurt.  Then suddenly the slow but building painful burning sensation (not at all unlike the burn from acid.)

I know you can’t tell in this picture, but it hurts…A LOT.

Karma Burns...

The great thing about this picture is that you can see the small scar from the “Hydrochloric Acid Incident.”  It has healed nicely, but I think there might always be a scar… (the other great thing about the pic is that I kind of look cross eyed–awesome.)

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

Thank goodness for Neosporin +Pain Relief.  A burn just plain sucks.  It’s not like a poke or an abrasion-these both hurt but generally its a short lived pain.  A burn hurts far worse after the fact.  AND this is exactly why I love Neosporin +Pain Relief.

Not only does Neosporin provide first aid infection protection it also provides MAXIMUM strength pain relief.  THANK GOODNESS.

I wasn’t super confident in the pain relief aspect, but sure enough it worked.  I applied the ointment as I was walking out the door.  By the time I got to my desk the pain was GONE.  GONE.

Moving forward, I will be keeping a tube in my purse. Not a lot of proud moments lately.

Image from HERE

24 hours later…no pain but…

Its not that bad…is it?

I went for a bikini wax and got a hole in my head…

True Story…

YUP, that’s me.  Wearing a hat to work 3 days in a row.  I have a band-aid on my head to cover the (still oozing) WOUND.  CLASSY.  Thankfully, I have a female boss that understands the dangers of applying ACID TO YOUR FACE;)

On Sat I went in for a bikini wax.  I go to the same esthetician because she is awesome.  She’s great with conversation (which is fairly important while in those compromising positions) and the best waxer this side of the Mississippi.

I also had a zit smack dab in the middle of my forehead.  Seriously, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE, and it was HUGE and PAINFUL.  Since she is an esthetician, I thought she might have something to make it less…obnoxious.  Since she is like the nicest person you ever met, she was super willing to help.

So she had me lay on the table and she used a q-tip to apply a liquid to the spot.  Unfortunately, since it was a liquid it started to slip all over my forehead…it even dripped to a spot right below my bottom lash line.  At first I couldn’t feel a thing.  Then slowly…a burn.  A slow but intense burn.  Then the pain.  Keep in mind, she has proceeded to my bikini wax, so at first the pain is just all over.  I was semi-distracted at this point, you know like when you tell your sibling that your tooth hurts so they punch you in the leg to help divert your attention to your new charlie horse?  Kinda like that…actually exactly like that.

When she finished I ran to the mirror ( because the burn was so intense at this point I actually thought there might be a small billow of smoke emanating from the zit (now wound.)  Nope, no smoke AND NO ZIT.  Just a hole where it used to be.  Since I was so uncomfortable, I took a small pad of gauze and tried to wipe it clean.  EPIC FAIL, the hole disintegrated into my gauze and the bleeding started and it was a lot.  3 gauze pads later and some wound instruction I am on my way home.

The entire way home I had to keep pressure on my zit/wound to keep the blood from obstructing my view.  While it hurt, I thought it wasn’t that bad…until I got home.

Scene: The Packers are losing a play-off game.  The dog is pacing and nervous–this is a tell tail sign that my Smokin Hot Hubs (who I will refer to as my SHH moving forward) has been yelling at the TV.

Just as my SHH turns to look at me he gasps.  I was wrong.  It is far worse than I thought.  I think it is important for the reader to know that under normal (NON Packers losing a play off game moments) my SHH is super graceful in these situations.  So, I would guess the gasp was 50% from the situation with the Packers and 50% from the actual sight of my wound.  Either way, it is worse than I thought.

Moral of the story…

Hydrochloric Acid=EPIC FAIL

Neosporin=SAVIOR

Saving Grace