All these songs are about me….A day in the life via chat

Nikki:  I legitimately think I am hotter than Zoe Saldana

me:  duh
Nikki:  lol
I love I can say shit stuff like that out loud to you (via gchat) and you don’t judge
or if you do judge you don’t tell me
me: no time for judging when all these songs are about me.

Nikki:  omg  I LOVE YOU

Later that day:
Back story:  old friends-we used to be so cool-we haven’t seen our group of friends in a long time.  Needless to say we have all changed-there are more babies, and husbands than diet pizza and swag.
DISCLAIMER:  I know some of you might be offended–pls try not to be–this is intended to be funny.  Neither of us have kids, so its hard for us to understand the joy of parenthood.
If it helps, imagine this is a conversation between Will Arnett and Christina Applegate.
    • ok Ill let you know. I have to get out there soon.  I think i kinda dread it because all my friends are married/mommies ….and babies give me anxiety for some reason

    • SHOOT, me too. Jos told me yesterday that it’s my turn….wtf does that even mean?  Why can’t it be your turn?!

    • HAVE A BABY!  Your life can be over too!

    • woo hoo!

    • Give birth!  Destroy your body! Never travel again! Weeeeee!!!!

    • I love over, and pooh, and hating my husband, and vomit, and raw nips and a split open vag.

    • WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    • When people ask you who will take care of you when you get old (and they always do when you tell them you are unsure about having babies). Tell them housekeeping at the Four Seasons will!

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17 thoughts on “All these songs are about me….A day in the life via chat

  1. Oh. Em. Gee. I REALLY hope others find this as hilarious and entertaining as I do. I frequent Four Seasons once a week. LASTLY, I saw a magnet at Whole Foods yeterday that read, “Having babies just means you have too much time on your hands, and too much money in your bank account”. AGREED.

  2. Looooove this!!! I can identify on both sides! (since i was one of the very LAST dragons to give birth to my first child at 33yrs when everyone else’s kids were in their teens/late teen/early 20’s)

  3. M,

    As always you are adorable.
    Finally, after you wrote a comment in my old blog (I’m now at saltforvanilla.wordpress.com), I’m writing you a heartfelt thank you.

    Love,
    -CL

  4. I used to feel this way… and trust me, in some ways I am still “recovering” from bearing a child. But even as a “non-kid-person”, which I still largely am (I like MY kid, I can’t say the same about everyone else’s) being a mother is a totally awesome experience and worth the “ruined body” and change in priorities.

  5. Mariko is officially a brat. My vag and body are exactly the same (4 weeks later 😉 And I plan to travel more than ever. Lol! Love you girls, and Mali deny all you want… You are next 🙂

  6. I was at my Ophthalmologists the other week and he asked me about kids, I gave him the same speech everyone gets who asks- “we have no idea what we want to do, right now life is too fun for me to even think about it”. His response? “If you have a couple of kids you’ll ruin your nice tight body”. There we have it, a professional, legit medical opinion that having a child will trash everything I’ve worked so hard for and that the damage won’t be reversible.

    • Brooke, the doctor guy sounds kinda like an asshole. Not only is that not always true, but it’s inappropriate for him to say. Also, yes, your body changes, but more than likely your body will change (surreptitiously) as you get older anyway. I know girls who have NEVER had kids, and have bigger guts than me. I am 31 and 132 lbs, and actually weigh LES than I did before my baby. Sure I have some stretch marks, but how vain would I have to be to think that’s SUCH a big deal compared to the joys of having this cool little person around?

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