True Story

Scene:  Walking down State Street-Sunday AM-BEAUTIFUL DAY

People are milling about.  The sun is shining and I need coffee.

I am about to turn to cross the street when a homeless man stands up a few feet in front of me and SCREAMS–literally screams “YOU’RE JUST AN INTERNATIONAL PERVERT.”

I turned around, because obviously he couldn’t be talking about me…**While I was born out of the country I have only spent a total of 30 days out of the country since then…hardly international…and pervert??????  Well…what’s your definition?**  Turns out he is in fact referring to me.

His outburst stopped sidewalk traffic.  **It felt like one of those after school specials where everyone freezes, but the main character continues to speak as if the others can’t hear him…very Zach Morris on Saved By the Bell.**

In the seconds that followed here is some insight on what was happening in my head:

1.  REALLY???!  Is this really happening right now?

2.  Then suddenly I wondered if I was mooning everyone with my new sundress?  Did the back of my dress get caught in my panties?!!?!?!  OMG can they see my bum?!?!  A quick pat down confirms that I am decent.

3.  Seriously, he can’t be talking to me.

4.  Is this some kind of Asian racism?!

5.  What can he mean by “just an international pervert?”  Is it a declaration AND an insult rolled into one?!?!

6.  What are my options here?  I really want to laugh, but I feel like I should be insulted–its too early to be witty, and it will likely be lost on him.

7.  Is that smell coming from him?  It’s burning my nostrils…RUN!

Finally, I decided to roll with a NASPNod And Smile Politely-if I had to guess, its likely a southern thing.  Actually, if it were southern it would be NASPP, the second “P” is for Pleasantry…something like NASP followed by “Oh, that’s just lovely/darling/precious .”

As I walked away, I texted my fav’s the story.  Here’s the best part:

My bff responds:  International because you are Asian

Me: And pervert because?!!!?

My bff: Awkward….

End Scene

Later that same morning I got stuck in a dress and had to have two store girls CUT ME OUT….I clearly should’ve stayed in bed.

In other news:

Korres

“Cherry Full Color Gloss
What it is:
A high-shine color lip gloss formulated with hydrating cherry oil.

What it does:
Cherry Oil Lip Gloss is a full color, lip conditioning gloss with a non-sticky texture that softens and cares for lips and provides a high-shine finish. Cherry Oil hydrates the lips while vitamins E and C offer antioxidant benefits.

What else you need to know:
This gloss is available in a range of shades from natural to vibrant.

What it is formulated WITHOUT:
– Parabens
– Sulfates
– Synthetic Fragrances
– Petrochemicals
– Phthalates
– GMOs
– Triclosan

Sephora is the exclusive beauty retailer for this product.”  -IMAGE and INFO FROM SEPHORA.COM

My Professional Product Whore Opinion:

I looooved the color.  LOOOVED it!  I was excited to try a new gloss with my new all natural philosophy.

EPIC FAIL.

I got the WORST allergic reaction to this gloss.  It’s been 7 days and I am still recovering from the hives and pussing on my lips.  It was like a character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine crawled in to my mouth.  Hives, Swelling, Pussing-the tri-fecta.

It’s not easy being a product whore…


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44 thoughts on “True Story

  1. In Vancouver it is a badge of honor to be yelled at – usually it is a homeless person who is actually suffering from an untreated illness and is high on various things. I have been called hilarious names, I even had a woman run towards me with no pants and was stripping off her top, the cops were running after her, and it was only 8am.

  2. At least he didn’t ask you for money in return! When I used to work in D.C., I got hit up by the homeless around Dupont Circle for cash all the time. They’d yell, and then come up to me and ask for a twenty.

  3. Good grief! I don’t think you should take it to heart. Sounds to me he was internationally “high” on something..maybe glue! Gosh!
    Love the lipgloss! Gorgeous colour! You have great taste! 🙂

  4. I feel your pain, Had a homeless man grab my arm and call me sexy (keep in mind I’m a young heterosexual man) at one of the busiest bus stops downtown (he couldnt handle his liquor).

    Gotta say you handled it alot better then I though. He called you a Pervert with the asian pun akward Indeed o.o

  5. Being yelled at is an initiation of sorts eh? I cant use stuff with botanicals in them because of my allergies… more people have reactions to “natural ” things like pollen than chemical so it can be difficult

  6. Lol! I didn’t want the story to end…in a nice way. Pictures of ur allergy please, wanna see if my imagination matches up to your explicit description. Loooove the post. 😀

  7. LOL whaaaaat? I’ve never had homeless people say anything weird to me, thank god. Just the normal asking for change or directions. Though once when I was walking to school a homeless guy tried to sell me an 84GB flash drive because I’m a student. Weird.

  8. my hubbie drives a city bus (a.k.a. mobile homeless shelter). he has weirdo stories to tell me every day :o)

  9. I think I just died laughing. You handled it very elegantly… I would have just stood there with my mouth open,completely at a loss for words.

  10. I’m not sure if you’ve tried this lip gloss before, I believe it’s called illumination… Anyway, it’s super moisturizing and it has a light and a mirror on it. Also, it comes with a lot of lipgloss in it. It also comes in a bunch of colors (from clear to bright red and everything in between). But about the post: poor you!

  11. Ahhh That really sucks! All natural is really not for everyone. It’s kind of annoying how trendy it is as “natural” in food and cosmetics isn’t specifically defined by the FDA. I hope you feel better!

  12. PAHAHAHAHA! I laughed so loudly when I read this, the cat jumped. Best. Post. EVER! Too funny! That’s pretty much how my brain works! 😀 I’ll be completely honest, I was skeptical when I saw your blog was about products (different strokes for different folks) but I thought “Let me give this a chance, she did stop by my blog after all” and you have BLOWN me away! You are hilarious! You have a solid opinion and I do appreciate the relaying of somewhat traumatising events 🙂 like this one. As for your bff… well, good luck with that 😉

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, and thanks for this great (hysterical) writing!

  13. Oh man, that would totally happen to me! So shocking… and the getting cut out of the dress part? Mmmm yea, maybe you should’ve stayed home.. ; )

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