On behalf of all the women out there that you make happy daily, I salute you. To all the loyal men out there, I commend you. I know that there are men out there talking about “swag and hustle” that make it hard for a legit man like you to make an impression. On behalf of the women out there that stand for such non-sense, I sincerely apologize. For all the accountants and software engineers aka “NERDS” that AREN’T “grindin” but actually get up for work on time and understand that hard work pays the bills and that “hustlin” is code for lazy , I applaud you. The truth is, it’s YOU and (fat bottom girls) that make our rockin’ world go round.
Now that we have pleasantries out of the way, lets get down to business.
This PSA is DEDICATED TO ALL MEN EVERYWHERE THAT HAVEN’T ALREADY FIGURED THIS OUT (this likely means my target market is between the ages of 12-35):
I know that one time at band camp/work/date, some girl/woman/dude told you you smell good (and I do blame him/her for this–I also blame the new AXE commercials).
Do us all a favor moving forward, ONE squirt of cologne. JUST ONE. On your wrists or inside your elbows. A man that smells good is SUPER SEXY.
Scent memories are for real. PLEASE, I BEG YOU, CREATE POSITIVE MEMORIES (consider this one of your many responsibilities as a man). Everyone loves to be enveloped in a good man hug, the kind that forces you to breathe deeply and soak it all in. If we are just dating and I smell your scent walking thru a mall later, I will swoon a little at this memory. IF you over do it, I will gag.
Every time I smell COOL WATER, I want to vomit. Not because I ever dated a guy that wore COOL WATER, but because I ONCE had a valet at the Cherry Creek Mall that clearly gargled and bathed and drenched himself in it-consequently making my car smell like this for weeks. Now that memory is triggered EVERY SINGLE TIME I WALK THRU MACY’S.
ONE SQUIRT. JUST ONE. It doesn’t matter if it didn’t seem like it came out, or if the sprayer is broken. Don’t take the chance. It’s not worth it-be confident that your deodorant will work instead.
Also, wear sunscreen and eye cream. I feel badly that the skin care industries focuses so much on women, it turns out that men also have a face and skin….weird.
This also makes me giggle. Be advised this will never happen:
Love you, mean it…